Mud-Princess....And Warrior

Yesterday I went and got my hair done. I left the salon with four different colors in my hair, partly because I am a very indecisive person, and partly because I was subconsciously preparing for war. With red, blonde, dirty blonde, and brown, I am a warrior who is ready to claim my land. Or…Shower.

You see, I am a lover. Not a fighter. I am a woman. I care about things. I can adjust to better accommodate others. And by others, I mean spiders. They can live freely in my house as long as they follow the guide lines. There are only a couple. It’s not hard.

First Rule. Don’t inhabit in my room. That’s my space. I sleep there. You don’t. You crawl during the night. I sleep. You crawl. On me. While I’m sleeping. No. Not going to ha
ppen.

Second Rule. Don’t move in my presence. If you stay in the same spot. I’ll let you live. I might even name you after a while. We can both live amongst each other. We can make it work.

Take Mr. Recluse for instance. He’s been living on the ceiling of my shower for about a week now. We bond. A little. He gets my attention every morning while I shower. I watch him like a hawk. Most of the time, he’ll see me and move as close to the wall as possible. He’s nice like that. I can see him with a top hat and a cane saying  “Oh top of the morning to ya, let me move along to the side so you won’t be frightened by my long spider legs and fangs that you can see from 5 feet away.”

I thought he got me. I really did. Until…this morning. He didn’t move as close to the wall as possible. I thought that maybe he forgot. So I helped him out. I sprayed him with a couple of drops of water. Just to give him a little push. To let him know that I was there. I went along with my business. He cleaned the water off of himself. Then. It happened. He started to crawl. And then he started to crawl on parts of his web that I didn’t even know existed. I stood there. Razor in my hand. With only one armpit shaved. And down DOWN DOWN he went. I JUMPED JUMPED JUMPED out of the shower. He got frightened by my sudden movement, as did I by his. And he went UP, UP, UP. I’ve never seen a spider move so fast. I had to punish him for breaking the rules. So I took the shower head and sprayed him for a good minute. I could tell he was frightened. Served him right. I jumped back in the shower, shaved my armpit, and washed my body as fast as I could.

He’s still in there. Alive. I don’t know if I should give him another chance. I might have to due to the fact that he’s not in a position to be killed. At least not by a shoe. I don’t have very good aim, so I don’t dare kill a spider with a shoe on the ceiling. 6 out of 10 times I’ll miss, and the spider will fall. Probably on me. And I’ll FREAK. I told you, I’m a lover. Not a fighter. I might have to call in my second in command. But I don’t want to be teased. Crap. I’m defeated. Maybe I went too far with the hair…